Awful Pun Thread

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steimie

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Apr 11, 2013
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Michigan
So there is this small, underwater village located about 35 miles off the western coast of Africa. In this town is a small fish mill company, run by two dolphins. This mill is part of a larger fish corporation, called FishCo, which is known for its high quality fish. Now, with a high-quality product must come a high-quality production system, and FishCo is no exception. Their business system, which is loosely based on the Toyota Production System, is well-known around the Atlantic ocean as one of the best.

The two dolphins running the mill, however, don't have the strongest faith in the FPS (FishCo Production System), so they choose to ignore some of the points of this system. They get away with this for several months, because FishCo is such a big corporation that it only looks at those mills that aren't reaching their production goals, so these two dolphins don't need to worry about some big fish (look, a joke within a joke) getting upset about their lack of FPS progress.

All that changes in one month's time, though, when one of the fish machines goes down only two days into the new month. The dolphins send out for a repair man as quick as they can, and he has it fixed as soon as possible, but its not good enough; they're 5000 fish short. They try to ramp up production, but the end of the month soon nears and they are still 4500 fish away from their goal.

Knowing that a missed month, especially one by so much, would bring some undesirable attention from upper management, they spring into action. They have overtime everyday, and bring the workers in on the weekend to try to meet the demand. They are also fully aware that the small village in which their mill is located is pretty much supported by them, so they call on the help of the locals. They have a "fish drive", where villagers can bring in their home-grown fish and add them to the pot, with the knowledge that every fish they bring in helps them stave off the possibility of the fish mill closing and the town growing bankrupt.

The fish are flying in at them from all angles: the mill is producing at a higher rate than ever before, the fish drive was a huge success, and the outsourced orders they made when the machine went down for fish came in. When all was said and done, they were only 750 short for the month. The dolphins breathed a sigh of relief, as being only 750 short should keep them off the list of 10 lowest for the month. If your mill is on that list, you get an automatic visit from corporate, and they figured with their excellent track record, they should be forgiven one bad month.

The dolphins came into work on Monday (the first one of the next month) with the belief that the bad month is behind them, and they would be able to go on with business as usual. However, when they checked their e-mail, they had a horrible shock; a message from corporate! Apparently there were strong currents off the coast of south america which led to those mills (usually some of the lowest) producing at unprecedented levels, and the east Galveston mill (always one of the worst) had caught fire and burned to the ground, keeping them off the list. This meant, unfortunately for the dolphins, that they were now on the 10 lowest list, and management was swimming their way right now and would arrive in 3 days.

The dolphins tried their best to bring the mill up to code with the FPS, but it was to no avail. They were reamed in a meeting for more than 2 hours on how the production system would have saved them from such a horrible month, and how they were incredibly ignorant to ignore it. When all was said and done, they were left with an expansive list of orders, and the knowledge that management would be coming in every month to see their progress.

At the end of that horrible day, the two dolphins decided to head to the local pub and get a drink. As was the case with most of the buildings in this town, the pub had many leaks (after all, they were underwater). And if the day couldn't have been any worse, a new leak sprung right over where one of the dolphins was sitting. Being dolphins, he didn't mind very much, but every time he would turn to check the score, his blowhole would fill up, forcing him to blast the water out of it (the dolphin equivalent of spitting). Unfortunately for the other dolphin, this "spit" would hit him right in the face. This happened a number of times, and each time the dolphin apologized, saying it was an accident.

As the game was drawing to an end, the dolphin was so fixated that he didn't realize his blowhole filling up until it was almost too much for him to handle, he took a deep breath and blasted the water out of his blowhole harder than he had ever before, forcing all the water into the face of his dolphin-friend.

This was the last straw. the other dolphin stood up, took a deep breath, and shouted, "come on, you're doing that on porpoise!"
 
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