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MarkIntihar

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I'm boooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeedddddddddddd dontdrinkbeer

bicycle.jpg


How many words do you make up per review?

What is your favorite 'tome?

Where do memes come from?

What made you decide to branch out from beer reviews and start doing Onion-style satirical articles about the beer scene?

What is your favorite Golden Road beer?

Did you watch the sports match on Sunday?

Which team did you want to score the most balls?

What's it like to have people from all over the country send you free beer just so you can destroy it?

EDIT: Obligatory http://dontdrinkbeer.com/
 
I'm boooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeedddddddddddd dontdrinkbeer

bicycle.jpg


How many words do you make up per review?
some are legit for reals words, others are compounds or portmanteaus (this is a real word) of other words to communicate an idea more effectively. Some are outdated linguistic heaters that I dust of to get the kickback poppin.


What is your favorite 'tome?
Best tome, simple question, 2004 Ete. Smoketome haters form a single line and GTFO.

Where do memes come from?
when a mother meme accepts the spermatazoa into her nuclei, a proto-meme is formed. This is usually a hald formed meme like a penis drawn on an already existing photo. With nurturing the meme evolves in the cytoplasm as other organisms accept it or reject it, it soon becomes an adaptable fully-grown JPEG and propagates itself onto a variety of hosts. Each feeling as though they are the original progenitor. Life is beautiful.



What made you decide to branch out from beer reviews and start doing Onion-style satirical articles about the beer scene?

DDB has evolved over the course of the last year with vedeo revues and now asserting a more focused satirical narrative. After 1000 reviews each around 900 words about liquid sugar beverages, it feels like a busted ass Previa full of honorable hmong people, and you need to flip that whip. It certainly wasn't SeaWatchman 's suggestion. I was already doing that **** and addressing beer topics with the already established faux narration was the next logical step to completely copying Maddox and producing watered down journalism.


What is your favorite Golden Road beer?
I used to think Golden Road beers were really shitty, largely because they were really shitty.

Now that they nabbed Jesse from Drake's I can't keep up with all their **** these days but their American Barleywine was solid and their IRS was also in that Totality vein, pretty legit, would bang again/but not save in the phone.

Did you watch the sports match on Sunday?
I watched the Superball and it was pretty okay, one team scored a lot of points and the horses didn't seem to be scoring much of any points. There was a big square board that people kept consulting at the end of each segment and there was much glad handing and equanimity. I drank the following beers out of red cups:
BA speedway
Brandy Bois
BCBCSBCSBCS
Kuhnhenn Manhattan project

Which team did you want to score the most balls?
Usually I am indifferent about how many balls are scored, but being raised as a Raiders fan, I wanted the Broncos to have less balls or at least smaller balls. I hope this clears up my stance on the AFC.


What's it like to have people from all over the country send you free beer just so you can destroy it?
It is pretty okay. Sometimes people want to send me things that are ridiculous like secretpizza sending me VSB, other times its a janky red ale from someone whose uncle is trying to put 200 empty calories on my frame. Life is all about balance and hater avoidance. Sometimes head brewers get drunk and promise to send me free things and then totally forget about it, then ALL OF A SUDDEN I AM THE ******* ASKING ABOUT THE FREE BOX THAT MADE MY MALT SHAFT POUND SO LONGINGLY.



EDIT: Obligatory http://dontdrinkbeer.com/

that site is shitty
 
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Can I haz Gooby Pls? Will trade beer for it.
I need to make sure it doesn't taste like complete **** first and carbs up. Labels are done, wax is in hand

I fully intend to put the Gooby on the chainwax.

also: feelsbadman sending condo homebrew for real beers, but as long as it tastes better than Vuja De, dont feel quite as bad.
 
Srs question: Why "Don't Drink Beer"?

What is the story behind the name?
When I was backlogging the regular ass reviews that no one reads anymore, I was going through potential names for sites and almost every site was a shitty pun, a hop-formulation or brew-compounded name. It made me not want to even do a site the same way Tool fans make you hate Tool.

I wanted a name that was a contradiction of intent, because I had just been put on ban from BA for using "narratives" which apparently was against the TOS. So I decided to start my own site where I could wank it with narratives to encompass the joie de vivre of the beer outside the traditional ASTDM to mouth. The "Dontdrinkbeer" was a nod to the culture of the past that took beer really ****ing serious, to that BJCP sybian riding world of Papazian starter kits, I wanted to tell them to dontdrinkbeer, because I felt there were aspects outside that realm worth exploring. Like fun.

I went looking for the domain and was shocked that it was not taken by MADD or some other Vice Cop organization, registered that ***** and posted in the cut like a sealy posturpedic.
 
What is your favorite, absolute favorite, 90's video game?

Hentai, yes or no or often?

If I send you proper moonshine will you see if your Porsche will run on it (mythbusters said it will and those ****ers know science)?


Ever considered randalling a gerbil with some brew for a buttchugging parody?


More later. Thanks!
 
When is your Kickstarter to fund your US tour so people can pay to have you come into their house, drink their beer, and tell them why it sucks and how their backsplash is micropenis status?

(I accept commissions BTW.)

Backsplashadvocate is on hold for the moment until I get the corporate backing I need, but that remains one of the main hot button issues for DDB, the proliferation of backsplash awareness.

I would love to mooch the **** off my fans until nothing remains, sleep on IKEA futons, holler at Missouri lot lizards, and accept confused handshakes from wives and brewers who would give a **** less as to who I am. That is the dream. Someday, gotta spec my character out for such a journey and those god tier drops take so much grinding.
 
Given your well documented references to JRPG's in pictures/posts/etc, which one is your favorite?

Do you still have time to play them?

Any games you're looking forward to or play now that the JRPG genre isn't as good as it once was
 
What is your favorite, absolute favorite, 90's video game?

Hentai, yes or no or often?

If I send you proper moonshine will you see if your Porsche will run on it (mythbusters said it will and those ****ers know science)?


Ever considered randalling a gerbil with some brew for a buttchugging parody?


More later. Thanks!

I would have to place a solid tie between Earthbound and Final Fantasy III (or 6 if you are a fact checking super famicon *******)
The narrative, mechanics and gameplay were revolutionary for the time and still hold up over time, unlike many games people lose their **** over. Go play Secret of Mana and tell me it still compels you as when you were in your pre-pubes days.

hentai, no. never. Between that and rule 34 MLP ****, i get plenty on accident in forums. no need to seek it out.

DDB hasn't crossed over into that ultra hilarious "animal abuse/genocide joke" realm but we are constantly in the lab working on new levity strains to propagate.
 
Given your well documented references to JRPG's in pictures/posts/etc, which one is your favorite?

Do you still have time to play them?

Any games you're looking forward to or play now that the JRPG genre isn't as good as it once was
I answered this above, but in terms of favorite RPG of all time, it might lie in the 16 bit realm but I have to give a nod to Final Fantasy 9 and the PS1 Star Ocean claimed more time than any other game i can recall. Ogre Battle was fun as well but tactical RPGs are a whole different beast.

I still play them, I just dropped 50 hours into Ni No Kuni and I am working on Tales of Xillia in between getting destroyed in BF4. so bit by bit, still wasting my time on useless endeavors of all kinds.
 
Any games you're looking forward to or play now that the JRPG genre isn't as good as it once was

Just by sheer fatigue most RPGs are tough to step into like the Persona series seems cool but I don't have time to **** around with fetchquests or derivative content, i make enough of that on my own.

Square seems to have **** itself and all over me consistently, so most of my love comes for Gearbox and Bioshock etc.

Most games now have RPG style progression systems to appease my tastes, such crossover, wow.
 
You need to answer the question we all want to know, did you drink the baconator, and how was it?
I drink everything I make. except the tanning lotion one.

The baconator was oilier but not really that bad, it had a slick greasiness to it but so did the regular propreeshitors. The one with cough syrup and ricola was really ****ing disgusting though. It was like drinking chocolate grenadine
 
I answered this above, but in terms of favorite RPG of all time, it might lie in the 16 bit realm but I have to give a nod to Final Fantasy 9 and the PS1 Star Ocean claimed more time than any other game i can recall. Ogre Battle was fun as well but tactical RPGs are a whole different beast.

I still play them, I just dropped 50 hours into Ni No Kuni and I am working on Tales of Xillia in between getting destroyed in BF4. so bit by bit, still wasting my time on useless endeavors of all kinds.
This was more detailed than I expected. I too dropped too much time into Star Ocean. But FF9? Reported. FFX is where it's at. That story, character development, the shitty sequel. Best FF ever.
 
the same way Tool fans make you hate Tool.
**** off.

I would have to place a solid tie between Earthbound and Final Fantasy III (or 6 if you are a fact checking super famicon *******)...Go play Secret of Mana and tell me it still compels you as when you were in your pre-pubes days.
That's better.
 
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There was, but it got deleted. The thing with ehammond and TO WHICH HE COULD NOT OBTAIN EASEMENT. I thought it was awesome.

Random other question, have you seen this guy's videos? http://www.youtube.com/user/Haveuseenmycellar
Ah yes. I remember catching a hot 2 week Ban for that. Not sure if it was screen capped, maybe Michigan secretly was on it?
Will you ever forgive me for being mean to you that one couple times?

Will you ever meet me?
Come to cfh. We will meet and drink when the sun comes up.

Never forget 1v1 siding with my wife about my clear alcoholism. Nevar.

But forgive obvi
 
Ah yes. I remember catching a hot 2 week Ban for that. Not sure if it was screen capped, maybe Michigan secretly was on it?
Somebody screen-capped it, but I'm not sure who -- it was re-posted in the old thread-shitting ops thread before it got shut down over here. Someone has it.

Unfortunately, I don't think anyone has the blacked-out rant post that brought your permanent banning. I read it, but have no idea what it was about. I believe it was something to do with Midwest trade value, unsurprisingly.
 
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