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Horror Movies

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Falling a little behind...
4. Tigers Are Not Afraid (2017)
Shudder

Among the best movies I have seen this year. Should be a crime that it did not get a wide release and it took so long to hit a streaming service.

As for the film, it is as if The Devil's Backbone was set during the Mexican Drug War. I will leave it at that.

5. Prevenge (2017)
Shudder

It was ok.
Dead Bodies: 6
Slashed Throats: 2
Testicular Stabbing
Eye Stabbed

6. The Furies
Shudder

Pretty meh. A lot of good gore gags in case you want to shut your brain off.
Dead Bodies: 10
Scythe to Gut
Axe to Face
Axe to Back
Old Timey Hand Drill
Knife to Hand
Arm Ripped Jax Fatality
Throat Slit
Exploded Heads: 3
Machete to Neck
Eyeballs Pulled: 2
Fingers Lopped Off

7. Prom Night (1980)
Shudder

After Prevenge and The Furies it was time to go back to a 80s slasher. (Aka a palette cleanser)
Dead Bodies: 6
Stunt Actor on Fire
Neck Stabbing
Throat Slashing
Decapitation
Motor Vehicle Crash and Burn
Excessive Disco and Disco Dancing

8. Hell House LLC 3: Lake of Fire (2019)
Shudder

The 1st one was a decent cheaply made found footage flick set in a haunted attraction. It reminded me of the 10 years I spent helping run a haunted house.

This one and the 2nd one are not very good at all. Will never get that time back. Ever.
 
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9. Ghostland AKA Incident in a Ghostland (2018)
Shudder

Decent gorefest by the director of the fun for the whole family flick Martyrs, Pascal Laugier.
Dead Bodies: 5
Multiple Stabbing with Broken Bottle
Stab to the Neck
Death by Multiple Stabbing
Multiple Bites with Ripped Flesh
Mangled Fingers
Instances of Puke
Slit Throat
Multiple Gunshots with a Head Shot
Creepy Dolls
Appearance by Noted Racist HP Lovecraft
Unfortunate Injury to Actress (look up Taylor Hickson. She was thrown through real glass and suffered a major facial cut that needed 70 stitches.)

10. We Are Still Here (2015)
Shudder

Starts off slow, but turns into a non-stop gore-o-rama during the last 20 minutes or so. Pretty fun.
Part 1 of a Barbara Crampton Double Feature for me.
Dead Bodies: 12
Multiple Charred Ghostly Spectres
Double Thumbs to the Eyes
Arm Through Chest
Excessive Larry Fessenden Larry Fessendening
Possession
Possessed Sock Gag Eating
Town Full of Crazy Locals
Arm Break
Fire Poker to the Eye
Multiple Gunshots Including Headshots
Exploding Stomach
Death by Charred Stairs
Neck Stabbing
Arterial Spray
Innards Thrown
Head Crush

11. Chopping Mall (1986)
Shudder

Fun and cheaply made. Part 2 of my Barbara Crampton Double Feature.
Dead Bodies: 9
Killer Robots: 3
Necks Stabbed: 2
Electrocutions: 2
Slit Throat
Head Explosion
Multiple Laser Blasts with Squib Hits
Stunt Actor on Fire
Multiple Gunshots
Multiple Explosions
Curmudgeony Dick Miller
Excessive 80s Dancing

12. The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)
Shudder

Chopping Mall and this one are super short,sub 80 min, Roger Corman financed movies. Good Times if you are into slashers with a guy literally drilling people.
Dead Bodies: 10
Drills to Head: 2
Drill to Neck
Multiple Stabbings with Knife
Drill to Arm
Drill Through Chest
Throat Slashed with Drill
Eyes Drilled Out
Decapitation
Belly Slashed w/ Drill
Hand Hacked Off w/ Machete
Belly Slashed w/ Machete
Impaled w/ Machete
Excessive Basketball Scene to Pad 77min Runtime
Even Longer Shower Scene to Pad 77min Run Time
Power Outage
Dead Phone
Creepy Neighbor Meat Cleaving Snails

13. Zombie (1979)
Blue Underground Blu-Ray

Gore Classic by Lucio Fulci.
Dead Bodies: 9
Dead Made Dead Again: 13
Headshots: 11
Multiple Gunshots
Neck Bites: 3
Severed Hand
Severed Fingers
Prolonged Slow Wood Splinter to Eye
Severed Arm
Gut Munching
Heads Smashed: 2
Cut Open Foot
Face Bite
Arms Bit: 2
Molotov Cocktails
Multiple Stuntmen on Fire
Excessive Voodoo Mentions
Superstitious Island of Matul
A Fucking Zombie vs a Shark
 
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Sticking with Netflix...

The Open House is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Nonsensical throughout with an even dumber ending.

The Babysitter - campy and fun. I dug it. Samara Weaving and the rest of the adult cast are a riot.
 
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14. Splatter University (1984)
Vinegar Syndrome Blu-Ray

Cheapo slasher with jokes that hit with a resounding thud.
Dead Bodies: 8
Dick Stabbing
Breast Stabbing
Stomach Stabbing
Mouth Stabbing
Back Stabbing
Forehead Slashing
Throat Slashing
Dead Car
Excessive 80s Dancing
Elderly Landlord that Listens to Too Many True Crime Podcasts

15. Zombieland: Double Tap

Pretty fun, but kind of by the numbers.
No. I did not take a legal pad into a movie theater like some sort of asshole.

16. Train to Busan (2016
Shudder

Fucking awesome. Put off watching this one for far too long. Highly recommended.

17. Bloody Birthday (1981)
Shudder

3 kids go on a rampage for their 10th birthday. Fun for what it is. Shut your brain off.
Dead Bodies: 8
Shovel to Face
Hanging via Jump Rope
Baseball Bat Bludgeoning
Multiple Shootings with a Head Shot
Arrow to Eye
Attempted Murder by Fridge
Attempted Murder by Motor Vehicle
Attempted Murder by Garden Hose
Motor Vehicle Crash
Police Questioning of Classroom
Excessive Peephole Cam
Excessive Astrological Horoscope Mumbo Jumbo

18. Mausoleum (1981)
Vinegar Syndrome Blu-Ray

Vinegar Syndrome discs are usually a coin flip. Either good or bad. But, always a good time with the right mix of alcohol and hallucinogens. This one is bat shit crazy. John Carl Buechler of Friday the 13th Part 7 did the effects. Good Time.
Dead Bodies: 7
Demon Possession
Partial Head Explosion
Chest Explosion: 2
Demon Claws to Face
Hand Tiller to Face
Demon Induced Wire Levitation: 2
Demon Induced Face Melt
Demon Bear Hug
High Fall with Impalement
Motor Vehicle Fire and Explosion
Excessive 40 Something White People "Dancing"
Low Level "Art" Theft
Hypnotism
Literal Demon Tits

19. Terrifier (2016)
Netflix

Mean-spirited slasher on a micro budget, but big on gore.
Dead Bodies: 8
Double Thumbs to Eyes
Severed Head Jack-o-lantern
Chopped Hand
Multiple Head Stabbings
Multiple Leg Stabbings
Side Stabbing
Back Stabbing
Foot Stabbing
Syringe to Neck
Sawed in Half
Shot to Leg
Shot to Stomach
Shot to Face
Multiple Head Shots
Hammer to Face
Scalped and Skinned
Decapitation via Machete Sawing
Slashing with Make Shift Whip
Head Crush via Clown Shoe
Attempted Plastic Smothering
Face Eating
Excessive Tucked Dick Strutting Without Q Lazarus
 
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Since I fell behind, it looks like most of this week will be double features.

Last night's theme was Pigs for some reason.

20. Slaughterhouse (1987)
Vinegar Syndrome Blu-Ray

Decent slasher. Not as bonkers as Mausoleum, but weird enough for Vinegar Syndrome.
Dead Bodies: 10
On Duty Deputy Trip to Lover's Lane
Least Believable Response to "Have You Been Drinking?"
Giant Cleaver to Face
Giant Cleaver to Back of Head
Hand Lopped Off
Head Crushed
Throat Slashed
Death By Industrial Meat Grinder
Meat Hook to Face
Multiple Bodies, Live and Not, Hung on Meat Hooks
Meat Hook to Back
Slashed Finger
Back Stabbing
Shot to Chest
Run Over with Motor Vehicle with Head Crushing
Power Outage
Excessive 80s Dancing
Excessive Squealing Like a Pig. No. Not Like That.
Excessive Pig Slaughtering Politics with Possible Pig Slander

21. Motel Hell (1980)
Scream Factory Blu-Ray

Haven't seen this one since the video store days.
Dead Bodies: 6 (although more are implied)
Motor Cycle Crash
Motor Vehicle Chase
Multiple Motor Vehicle Crashes
Human Garden
Shovel to Back of Head
Some Kind of Rock and Roll Cliff Clavin
Multiple Syringes to the Neck
Multiple Vocal Cord Cutting
Multiple Gassings
On Duty Deputy Trip to Lover's Lane
Illegal Viewing of Drive Thru Movie
Instances of Cannibalism
Strangulation
Tractor Neck Break Pull: 3
Excessive Whip Dancing
Human Garden Uprising
Body Parts Galore
Chainsaw Fight
Chainsaw to Arm
Chainsaw to Side
 
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Linnea Quigley double feature. Hal Havins is in both movies too, but fuck that guy.

22. Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (1988)
Shudder

Started it off nice and sleazy. The significant other refused to watch this one or answer any questions regarding sorority initiations. So no idea if spanking or breaking into bowling alleys in order to steal a trophy is common place.
Dead Bodies: 8
Puke: 2
Sorority Initiation
Initiate Named Taffy
Mischievous Wish Granting Imp Trapped in Bowling Trophy
Demons
Electrified Doors
Wishes Granted: 3
Wishes Backfired: 3
Death by Bowling Ball Drill
Decapitated Head Bowling
Deaths Caused By Flashing Imp Light: 3
Multiple Gunshots
Death By Fryer
Bowling Ball to Dome
Double Teamed Bi-Section
Excessive Back Story
Molotov Cocktail
Stunt Actor on Fire
Axe Decapitation
Motor Vehicle Crash

23. Night of the Demons (1988)
Scream Factory Blu-Ray

Haven't seen this one in at least a couple decades. Remember watching it on a VHS rental at a friend's house.
Dead Bodies: 8
Multiple Instances of Elderly Harassment
Possessed House Party
Excessive Upskirt Shoplifting Distraction
Excessive 80s Dancing
Tongue Biting
Lipstick Inserted Into Nipple
Hands on Fire
Double Thumbs to Eyes
Neck Break
Coffin Door Arm Chopping
Stunt Actors Thrown Through Windows: 2
High Fall w/ Impalement
Multiple Stunt Actors on Fire
Barb Wire Climbing
Burn to Leg
Sunrise Demon Smoke Death
Razor Blade Apple Pie

Originally, I planned to make this a Demon Double Feature, started off with the Vinegar Syndrome disc of Demon Wind. Then decided watching Demon Wind, again, was not worth it. Tagging lurchingbeast to point out something embarrassing Stephen Quadros did was much more preferable.
 
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Fuck yes. One of the greatest horror anthologies of all-time.
I watched it on Friday night while the wife was at soccer (good call). Lots of fun, very enjoyable, though not all of it made total sense, but my quibbles are minor.
 
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24. Maniac Cop 2 (1990)
Blue Underground Blu-Ray

Originally conceived as a dual sequel to both Maniac (1980) and Maniac Cop. Unfortunately, Joe Spinell died prior to filming and was replaced by the EMT from Halloween 2 that sings the song about "Grace sit on my face".

Joe Spinell was an interesting character actor with credits in The Godfather 1 & 2, and Rocky. There is a really good video circulating online where Spinell attends a Jaws Oscar nomination party at Spielberg's house. After Jaws gets hosed, Spinell looks into the camera and says, "Who the fuck do they think made the picture? The shark?". I only bring this up to insinuate the guy that directed ET probably watched Maniac in support of a friend.

Maniac Cop 2 is carnage all the way and a good fucking time. Trash of the highest order.
Dead Bodies: 13 (flashbacks did not count/sort of lost count when the Maniac Cop invaded the police station)
Armed Robbery
Forced Lotto Scratch Offs
Stunt People Thown Through Windows: 9
Stunt Man Fall from 2nd Story
Stuntmen on Fire: 5
Stuntman Run Over with Car
Baton Sword Stabbed Through Bruce Campbell's Neck
Officer Hung on Tow Truck Hook
Motor Vehicle Chases: 2
Numerous Motor Vehicle Crashes
Motor Vehicle Explosions: 2
Runaway Motor Vehicle with Person Handcuffed to Steering Wheel
Flashback of Naked Prison Fight with Shanking
Chainsaw to Hand
Necks Broken: 2
Night Stick to Face of It's Always Sunny's Frank and Charlie's Super
Numerous Gunshots and Head Shots
Hollywood Scumbag Robert Davi
Robert Z'Dar

25. Haunt (2019)
Shudder
Dead Bodies: 11 (although I assumed the death of 3)
Gratuitous use of Public Domain Film: Night of the Living Dead
Hot Poker to Face
Hot Poker Head Stabbing
Arm Slashes
Hand Stomping
Pitchfork to Face
Pitchfork to Chest
Repeated Shots with Nail Gun
Claw Hammer Face Pull
Nail Through Foot with Slow Removal
Nail Through Hand with Slow Removal
Glue Skin Removal
Key to Eye
Multiple Gun Shots with Two Headshots
Booby Trap Screw to Neck
Cinderblock to Hand
Sledgehammer to Head
Axe to Arm
Trap Door to Face
Baseball Bat to Face
Total Inability to Read 3, 4, and 5 Letter Words Backwards
 
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The next 4 movies were a quadruple feature, 7hr, marathon at my local Alamo Drafthouse called Dismember the Alamo. All are mystery features announced prior to each movie and were supplied by the American Genre Film Archive (AGFA). AGFA has put out dvds of some oddball cheapies like Ninja Zombie.

26. Truth or Dare: A Critical Madness (1986)

Not sure how this hasn't been mentioned in the so bad it is good movie circles. Collective groans all about. The crowd got more lively when the lead went on a murder rampage. Biggest laugh was when a stroller got run down.

The Dismember the Alamo event in Denver featured Psycho, Poltergeist, The Shining, and Doctor Sleep. After Truth or Dare: A Critical Madness, I can't help but feel the local curator wanted to tell us all to go fuck ourselves. I love trash and bad movies, but fuck this movie. Wish I broke my sobriety. I have seen Truth or Dare: A Critical Madness as many times as I have seen Citizen Cane. For whatever that is worth.

27. Basket Case (1982)

Classic drive-in and grindhouse movie. A good time was had by all.

28. Society (1989)

Well wow. I've watched this numerous times. Much different with an audience. Felt dirty.

29. Centipede Horror (1982)

Never heard of it. Was better than Truth or Dare: A Critical Madness. I never knew centipedes were such a menace to south east Asia. I don't want to say it was weird, but there was a lengthy long distance Kung Fu magic fight.
 

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